I was a student at St Bernadette’s Primary School. This is a place where I shared my learning with you. Please note… some work won't be edited - just my first drafts, so there may be some surface errors. I would love your feedback, comments, thoughts and ideas.
Thursday, 21 November 2019
narrative writing
So what's a headajje headache you idiot Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha anyway, my name is tini i'm a snake I have friends manuk he is a lion and every time he sleeps he makes an earthquake by his roar . I have other friends mark he is a turtle bro he the reason why we are late for the concert. And max he is rhino boy he's related to manuk and have the same features like earthquake but the way he makes an earthquake is when he clashes into a rock or a thick massive tree. We make ourselves laugh and make people laugh because once i said about myself that I was seized like my mum which is obviously true shes is one big elephant. Then we went to go get some leaves we saw a spider is was massive like a table then max ate it I was like what the heck bro thats gross. When max ate it it was so weird then he started to choke Manuk was like why don’t i step on thats on solution Mark was like i can’t even do anything so yea I was like yea later bo Well a few minutes later we gave him CPR with manuk by one step in the max chest the spider arm came out but then a little piece went into manuks mouth oh come on man max do it okay nek minnit it didn’t come out then we saw another animal his name is moto moto hey help us sure three two one and go. Yay it came out then it went into moto moto mouth Later bo see you next year Nah just joking we help him it came out then it went into my mouth This will be easy said manuk well obviously look at him he's 10000000 pounds just get it out ok and it's out Now run from it oh come on mark man why do you have to be so slow man and what do you know it came into marks mouth Oh heck no Yea for reals now let's get it out but we can't obviously because made out of shell Well later bo ain’t coming back max don’t get a concussion be safe going home Slap ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oi tini get said Mrs lee what mum it's only seven in the morning huh looks like i'm daydreaming get in the corner Later bo …………….
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ReplyDeleteI really like this, I think that it Is cool, and that you have added some cool things into the narrative, Like the animals, instead of Humans, and they names, and they aren't just called things like rhino and tiger and snake.
This bring me back to when I made my first narrative. I thought it was pretty cool!
All I think you can improve on is more writing at the top of this blogpost.
Later Bro